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Are Women Really Enjoying Sex As Much As Men? Take The Survey.

Are Women Really Enjoying Sex As Much As Men? Take The Survey.

“Our culture defines sex as ending when he comes, so the woman’s orgasm is considered a bonus”
— Katherine O'Connell White, M.D.

How often have you been asked after sex was over if you had climaxed? had an orgasm? or came? Probably more times than you'd like to admit. You've probably lied about it more times than you'd like to admit as well (but that's a topic to discuss further on a different day). It's as if the goal of sex is to help our male partners reach their orgasms and if we happen to get ours in then we've really just wound up lucky...but it wasn't necessarily THE goal to begin with. Research backs it up. In one of Glamour magazine's most recent sexual health articles, they shared that research shows that only 62 percent of women climax during sex with a familiar partner while 86 percent of men do. The numbers are worse if you're just hooking up and in that case, women climax a measly 11 percent of the time. 

So why aren't women consistently reaching their orgasms? Just by being a woman and talking to other women about their sex lives, I can tell you that there are a number of reasons why women aren't consistently climaxing. Some don't know that there's a difference between "being wet" during sex and actually experiencing a moon-touching, space-orbiting orgasm. Some have been shamed into wanting to try new things either by peers or religious reasons. Some don't want to be titled a "hoe" or "easy" for wanting to try raunchy or risque moves during sex. Research has also shown that how a woman feels about her body directly effects her beliefs about sex as well. Ultimately, all of the worrying is limiting the fulfillment that great, pleasurable sex can bring. 

Now what I want to know is who's to blame for this madness? Society? Women? Men? I say everyone. For the longest in our culture, and still to this day in some other cultures around the world, sex was believed to be a means for men, and only men, to fulfill their sexual desires. Luckily, times are beginning to change (at least in first world countries) because as women look for equality in other areas of our lives like work and household duties, we also begin to own it in our sex lives. Unfortunately, we've still got some work to do as many women, with or without partners, still claim they don't have enjoyable sex lives.

Below is a list of some of my favorite tips for making your sex life that much more ah-mazing:

1. Be honest with yourself first about your desires.

Research has proven that for many women their peer group plays a major role in how they choose to experience sex. If most members of your close circle of friends are timid about sex then more than likely you will be also. The same is true if more women in your peer group are liberal with their sex lives. The key is deciding what YOU like. If you want to have raunchy sex often then find a partner who will oblige you. If you prefer sweet and straight to the point sex then be honest with yourself about you wanting that as well. No need in pretending you're porn-star status in the bedroom if you're not.

2. Have fun.

Sex educator Emily Nagoski says "one of the biggest barriers to climaxing is worrying about it." Your number one priority while having sex should be having a great time. Most of us worry about whether or not we make him come but if the focus is on the enjoyment then the easier it is for you both to reach an orgasm. And if you don't, at least you had a ton of fun.

3. Give directions.

I think both men and women enjoy being told how to please their partner by their partners. No one can read minds and no one knows better than you what turns you on. Find a sexy, subtle way to say "start here" or if you're into being way more straightforward, like Amy Schumer in the movie Trainwreck, then just say "start here." Another fun way to give him directions? Show him. Trust me, he'll love it and appreciate it. And if he doesn't, you can always give him the directions to your door.

4. Don't rush a great thing.

There's nothing better than a good foreplay session. That includes lusty eyes, touching, kissing, licking, rubbing, biting, sexting, you name it. Foreplay builds arousal which makes for an explosive romp in the sack. Research has shown that women need 20 minutes, on average, to get aroused. Don't be mistaken though! Foreplay can start wherever you'd like it to: end of a dinner date, Uber ride, movies, a walk home, whereevs.

Ultimately, I hope you know that you deserve to explore and experience everything in your life to its fullest and deepest potential including sex. It's one of the most natural activities that we perform. So, do you think women are enjoying sex as much as men are or is there room for improvement? TAKE THE SURVEY HERE. Don't worry, it's anonymous. 

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